If you don’t wake up on time, you’ll pay the price. And if I know myself at all Westboro Baptist Church is going to be rolling in it…
From the wonderfully messed up minds at ThinkGeek:
Wake up to the smell of…Animosity…
Connects via WiFi to your online bank account, and donates YOUR real money to an organization you HATE when you decide to snooze!
For years the masses have told you that if you snooze you lose. You never believed them. You held your head high and slept in whenever you wanted to, always without fear of loss. Well, dear friends, the times have changed. The ingenious sages at ThinkGeek Labs(TM) have finally created the Ultimate weapon against snoozing – the Sn?zNL?z(TM). People who enjoy sleeping in are cowering in fear all across the globe – it’s finally true, when you snooze, you lose!
ThinkGeek, it sounds great! But how does it really work?
Glad you asked….it’s quite simple actually. The SnuzNLuz uses the very complex psychological phenomemon known as ‘HATRED’. Basically it’s human nature to wish harm upon your enemies. Similarly, it’s human nature not to give your enemies gobs of cash so that they can grow big and dominate the world with their totally wrong, stupid and invalid point of view. ThinkGeek realized that. That’s why everytime you hit the snooze button, the Sn?zNL?z will donate a specified amount of your real money to a non-profit you hate. The problem of sleeping in is solved.
And it’s easy to setup and use too! Just plug your SnuzNLuz in and either connect it to your network via the RJ45 jack on the back, or via WiFi (WPA supported) if available. Then simply configure via the embedded web browser configuration utility. From here it’s a snap. Simply select your online banking institution from the list of supported banks (currently over 1600 are supported). Supply your login information and then select your favorite HATED charity or non-profit from the included lists (over 6200 currently supported). Then plug in your donation amount per snooze incident ($10 or more), set the time, and alarm, and voila, instant time profit!
Common Usage Suggestions!
Are you a butcher? Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to PETA
Are you a republican? Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to the ACLU!
Are you a land developer? Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to the Wilderness Society!
Enjoy your freedom? (Blue state version) Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to the GOP. or
Enjoy your freedom? (Red state version) Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to MoveOn.Org
Are you a hippie? Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to the American Coal Foundation.
Are you a Ninja? Set your SnuzNLuz to donate to, hrrrm, we can’t find a Pirate Charity at the moment. But there must be one…somewhere…anyways, the point is it’s easy to setup once you identify your enemy!
Never before, except for that one time, has a product created the potential for so much time profit in the world. And we are so sure that you’ll never snooze again, we’ve created a very special promise. We promise you’ll never snooze again with SnuzNLuz or you’ll eventually go broke. It’s that simple.
Oh yeah, and Ricky Martin‘s not gay.
Happy April Fools Day Portlanders.
Update: And if you want more The Advocate has a rundown of today’s gayest April Fools pranks.